MessyMissy's Place Yet another attempt at sanity
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September 10

Slowly moving through the rhythm of sound.  That sliding, pounding that loops in my head. Then the sharp pain as I focus to much.  It splits my head wide, a cleaver like instance and then it’s gone. I lean back my head in the chair thinking that might help, but all it does is make me remember the other pain in my neck.  Life’s little lessons about a sedentary job.  I should get up and move but the code is flowing from my mind, in a swirling mass.  If I stop now it’ll be gone, like a wispy stream of fog in the morning sun, and the end will be that much further away. There is a magical space in my mind that opens up and spills forth a litany of statements.  That creating, magical space where there is an instant translator from human to machine.  It’s an unconscious slip into that space, never conscious. Almost dream like, sometimes it seems to be a total take over.  The flow from the brain, to the hands, to the screen. Flowing and twisting the syntax.  Not even caring that I don’t usually know how to type.  It seems to have embedded that ability in itself not relying on my body’s so called skill.

There is in clean code a simplicity, a beauty.  An almost erotic excitement in the creation. Pushing further towards what can be done, never mind if it should or shouldn’t be, just that it might be.  It serves a purpose that creation.  It proves to ones self that the spark hasn’t died in some form that’s been created over and over and over, or some other mundane thing.  These minor miracles are meat to help people, the complex creation an ode to the singular thought that perhaps if this person were to posses the ability to do this one thing easier, better, faster, then perhaps then they too might feel the joy of the day.  There is always that hope.

Should it be otherwise, then it begins.  The dark slid to the bottom of the creative ramp.  The feelings of despair, uselessness.  Ugly feelings and thoughts into a infinite loop of disgust and unhappiness. Those points at which there is a block whether mental or otherwise, which cause you to dry up.  The external triggers become dulled with time, thoughtlessness and carelessness of external events may slice open the early wounds and send down torrents of self doubt and leave the raw pain of inadequacy and disaffection.

The brilliance of self creation and the darkness of self destruction.

Stencil Graffiti on MSU's North Central Campus

June 5

So as I walk around campus I always encounter these great, usually 2 color, stencil graffiti works. Granted some are better done than others, but hey that’s ok.

I finally got out today and took some pictures of some of them. The ones I caught were mostly centered around Morrill Hall and the ramp next to it. I know there are more across campus, but well it was raining and I didn’t feel like traipsing around in it. So anyway, I uploaded them to the gallery in the Stencil Graffiti album.


Feeling like a goddess…

March 7

Sitting at the edge of my desk, hands poised over the silky, blue-blackness of the keys waiting for the right time, the right place. Where to start, where did it all begin? Feeling your hands on my skin. So smooth, they distract me from my train of thought. Where did you come from, I wonder. Why did you land here. Are you going to stay or have you already left and I just haven’t noticed yet. Wrapped as I am in this bubble of semi-lucid moments. Is it possible you were never there and I imagined it all? The details of your chest, your hands. I remember marking you as mine. Was it real though, or just a dream. I guess I’ll never really be able to tell. I don’t think I care.

A little excitement

February 22

Tempos throbbing through my skin,
My heart racing,
Pulse throbbing in time.
Bubbles up my nose,
Tingling all the way to my toes.

little fishies

November 9

Little fishie
In my mind you play
Here you float about in endless waves of warmth
You stuff your face when you’re hungry
You’re so happy
I wish I could make that here
I wish you were happy
My little fishie
My playful, happy, fat little fishie